Christ! It’s Christmas.

Agency life ramping up yet another gear can only mean one thing. Christmas is coming. So in between the early mornings and late nights I’ve managed to catch some of this years Christmas ads.

I have to say even though it may become the most shared Christmas advert of all time, the new John Lewis spot #bouncebounce was a huge let down for me. It’s basically a whole minute with not a lot happening, other than watching a monumental waste of money on CGI. The execution is beautiful but it’s a shame the idea behind it is weaker than my grans knees. It’s a step up from the paedo on the moon, but doesn’t rival the impatient boy or Monty the Penguin in my honest opinion.

Aldi have come up with Kevin the Carrot. Fuck knows, maybe it’s a reference to Kevin from Home Alone, since they have ripped off the sound track from that. Anyway, no idea what the advert is about because I can’t see past the fact that the table is set and has cooked food on it, when it’s Christmas eve. Why would any family do that? Stupid logic for a stupid ad.

The Heathrow advert is a step in the right direction; it’s wonderfully executed and has a sweet idea behind it. Even if the payoff is similar to the Monty the Penguin ad.

Adam&EveDDB are responsible for a few of this years big xmas ads, like John Lewis and H&M (The already famous Wes Anderson spot - I won't bore you with it again). However the Temptation ad struck a cord with me. It’s a neat idea that’s well executed, and in my opinion the best ad DDB have put out this festive season.

And finally, not a TV spot but a simple little idea I stumbled across for the NHS.

Merry Christmas you fucks.

What a time to be alive.

Phew! I’m surprised I am alive. What a summer!
I’ve been quiet on the blog front recently and that’s down to three things:

1) Festival season has damaged me both mentally and physically.
2) I started a full time job – yes I waved goodbye to the freelance life.
3) And, I finally got an iPhone (so spend every spare second I get on that).

You’d think after months of being away I’d have some insightful wisdom to pass along, so here it is........

No, I'm not calling you that. It's actually an advert for Australia’s Northern Territory. And, I’m reliably informed it is real, albeit unofficial. Can't imagine the official tourism board would let something like this slip through the gap. It makes me want to visit Uluru. However, I value my life too much - have you seen some of those huntsman spider videos on Facebook? No thank you.

What I love about this ad is the provocative headline. And it doesn’t get more offensive than CUNT all in uppercase. In case you don't get the abbreviation, the message here is 'See You in the Northern Territory'. It takes balls for an agency to suggest this, and sheer madness to get it out of the door (suppose it is Aussie after all). 

It’s bold, ballsy and they probably intended/half expected it to go viral. That's the reason I love it. It just about sums up the madness of 2016. I mean what with Brexit, Donald Trump and Wales getting further than England in the Euro's. What the fuck 2016. 

You have something of mine.

An agency called AUK based in Bath are using my work (without my permission) on their agency showreel. Despite me having never worked there in my life. My ex Art Director and I came up with most of the work while at DDB. So it seems weird that AUK would try and pass it off as their own.

I probably should mention however that my ex Art Director actually did work there for a period of time. So I can sort of see why they thought it’d be ok to use that work. But he’s moved on to another agency now, so I saw this as an opportunity to make myself known in true Copywanker fashion. 

Here's my email to them. 

"Hello AUK,

I've noticed that quite a bit of my portfolio appears on your agency showreel. I'm glad you like my work. 

However, it's not cool. I'm pretty sure that content belongs to DDB.

I would've maybe let it slide if you'd bothered to hire me for my services as a freelance creative/copywriter. I've been in touch multiple times but to no avail - which is a shame because you clearly rate my work. ;)

This time I'm not getting in touch to see if I can help out. Instead, I'm going to have to ask that you kindly remove that work from your showreel.

Thanks in advance,

Kieran McConnell"

I sent that on Monday and still haven’t heard back from them. And they haven’t removed the showreel. A follow up email will be in order soon if they try and let this slide. Or maybe seeing this post will shift them into gear.

The reason I’m doing this (other than for interesting blog content) is that I’d never stick my name on something I didn’t have at least some involvement in. So I feel it’s fair enough to call them out on this. Would you agree?

Update: Literally about two hours after this post went live they removed the showreel and told my ex Art Director what a cunt I am. Sorry AUK, but next time I'd suggest responding to my email before I go public. 

Sugar Sugar!

This is the last you'll hear from me on the Rio subject for a while. I've had another reply and just wanted to share the update with you. 

"Hi Kieran

Ha ha, no problems. You don’t need to apologise for being honest.  Just maybe be slightly more cognisant (copywanker: That means 'aware' for the less educated folks reading - just kidding I had to google it) about what / how you blog bearing in mind it’s so easy to find, being directly linked to your website.   

Rio does have a massive future. The sugar tax is a bit of a bummer, but we have time to work that into the overall plan. The packaging is up for more of a refresh more than anything else. It’s a bit busy. And the small ‘health’ / natural credentials we have (10% real fruit and juice, lightly sparkling spring water etc) are lost – when we actually make our consumers read the can they love that aspect of the drink, but we don’t make enough of it. Rio is never going to be a ‘healthy’ drink, but if can make it feel slightly better for you than a can of Coke (or Dr Pepper) that’s got to be a good thing. I’d be interested in your view on the packaging, when we have something to show.

I’ll definitely get in contact with you again when the time is right. I prefer working with individuals much better than faceless corporations, and there is nothing quite like working with someone with a passion for the brand. That goes a long way.

Keep well & speak soon,

Lucy - Team Rio"

That's awesome news, I'm glad I took the first steps in getting in touch. Just goes to show that you really do have to make your own opportunities. Hopefully I'll have some Rio work under my belt sooner rather than later. And if I'm given permission I'll share the re-brand as soon as I'm given the green light. 

I promise the next post will be back to something vaguely offensive and industry related. 

Rio 2016!

I'm not talking about this years' Olympics. I'm talking about the soft drink company. They've kindly responded to my previous email. Here it is.

"Hey Kieran

Thanks for your email. I’m glad you like the product (me too although I am completely biased I know.)

So, I’ve checked you out – LinkedIn, website and your blog too. I see we make an appearance. I was a bit hurt when I first read it, but to be honest, I agree with you on many things. We have a pretty good liquid; our packaging is a bit naff and we do virtually no comms whatsoever. I’m a firm believer in a brand is what other people say you are, not what you think you are. So your perceptions are totally valid."

Copywanker here: Sorry to break the flow of the reply. But I've never heard a truer statement than "A brand is what other people say you are, not what you think you are." 

How many times have you received a creative brief with a make-believe consumer profile? In my experience it's usually car brands but I'm sure it applies across the spectrum. They normally go a little something like this: Meet Mark, a 42 year old family man, he owns and manages a bespoke organic soap company in Shoreditch. He enjoys the more luxurious things in life. When he's not out exploring the countryside with his family at the weekend, you'll find him in a fancy cocktail bar...and so on for another 3 pages. Sometimes even accompanied by a moodboard of what clothes he wears. Hey Mark, fuck off with your made up bullshit. 

That's a classic example of how a brand wants to be perceived. In reality Mark could be anyone with a vague interest in the brand. This arrogant shit needs to stop. Let your customers define what your Brand stands for.

Now back to the email... 

"So let me explain where we are with the brand. As you know, Rio is a tiny soft drink (0.05% market share) owned by the 7^th generation Hall & Woodhouse family – who are brewers (Badger beer, Tanglefoot etc.)  Before I came on board, Rio was literally a 4.30pm on a Friday conversation between a couple of Directors. Before then, Rio literally was a drink in a can. No website. No trade comms. Certainly no consumer comms. No direction. Nothing. But despite us doing nothing as a company, Rio continued to grow. 

We have just finished research on our core consumer and the fruit crush segmentation, so we can understand what’s great about Rio (and what needs to change) as we begin to plan for the future. I’m currently working on the brand strategy and brand world with a creative agency, and this new ‘brand world’ (with new packaging) should be agreed over the summer & autumn, with a proposed relaunch in March 2017.

When we have a brand world, look and feel and tone of voice, then we can move from our holding page to a full website, to coincide with the launch in 2017. And then we can move into social media marketing too. Yes, we have 105 people following us on Facebook at the moment, but I’ve not tried and I’m not going to until we know how we want to communicate. And at least our research has shown us our core and target market, and what social media platforms they use. 

Alongside this, I am also currently working on our distribution strategy too. That is going to be difficult. Playing in the same market as Coke and Pepsi is somewhat challenging, so we need to be creative and compete on or our terms. Somehow.

We still don’t have a marketing team or anything like that. It’s just me working on these strategies and putting things in place. I’ve got ambitious plans for our fabulous little Rio and I think it’s going to be super fun getting it to where we think it can go to.  

So I’ll be honest. It was a little shock reading on your blog what you really think of our brand, but as I say, fair enough. I like a bit of honesty. And I like entrepreneurs. We are obviously working with our London agency on the re-brand, but there may well be opportunities to help us with engaging with our consumers / social media / brand comms in the not too distant future.

Let’s remain in touch?

Lucy - Team Rio

p.s yes you can use this email on your blog if you would like"

To which my reply was...


"Hi Lucy,

Thanks for taking the time to respond and for linking with me on Linkedin. I really do appreciate it. 

Which makes me feel bad for causing any offence with my blog post. I'm sorry, I didn't mean it to come across like that. I had to structure the article in such a way to emphasise what MASSIVE potential your fantastic product has. And after reading your reply I know you're confident in that potential too. You've got the right attitude and it sounds like it's all under control. You've got a very exciting future ahead. 

For what it's worth, I actually really like the current Rio packaging. It's fresh and sums up the flavours - also the white can sticks out a mile amongst the competition (unless I'm subconsciously always on the look out for Rio?). That said, I'm excited to see where the re-brand takes it. And how the brand will be positioned on the whole. 

I think the fact that Rio continued to grow without any comms speaks volumes for the product you have. Just imagine what it'll be like with a strong campaign behind it.

I understand why you're being patient with your current brand presence. It makes sense that you want everything in place before pushing forwards. If I can slot into that grand scheme of yours at some point I'd love to play my part. So please bear me in mind for any opportunities that arise no matter how small. And please feel free to use me for any consumer research you may want to conduct - chuck those questionnaires or whatever it may be in my direction. Let's stay in touch. 

Here's to a...fruitful future. Terrible I know, please don't hold that against me.

Thanks again for your time,

Kieran

P.S Thanks, it probably will make an appearance on the blog soon. :)"

So there we have it folks, well done if you read this far. Give yourself a pat on the back. Hopefully I'll be getting stuck into some Rio work in the not too distant future. In the meantime, do yourselves a favour and go buy a can. 

Fingers crossed.

The copywanker is trying to win some new business. The sweetest business around. 

I noticed that Rio (the best drink you can possibly imagine) has had a website under construction for yonks and only has about 105 people on their official Facebook page. Then I also received a half hearted email from their eCRM team that didn't drive any sales, it just pointed out the fact that you can now buy Rio in more places around the UK. The marketing department is in shambles so I saw this as a massive opportunity. 

Here's the email I'm currently waiting to hear back from. 

"Hello Rio,

I would like to start by saying well done.

Well done on creating the most refreshing liquid that I have ever tasted. Ever.

The flavour combination is the stuff dreams are made of. 

I have been drinking Rio for the past five years but it's not always easy to get my hands on it. 

Just the thought of a nice cold can of Rio is making me salivate...

Anyway on to the point of this email. 

I'd like to offer your marketing department my services as a freelance creative. 

I've got bags of ideas for all sorts of media, I'm also experienced at planning and running campaigns.

So whether you're looking for someone to produce content for your social media channels or someone to drive sales through a carefully thought out eCRM campaign, then I'm your man.

Or even if you want a big idea for a TV ad or outdoor campaign to rival the likes of Coca Cola and Fanta, I'm your man. 

I hope you don't mind me approaching you like this, I just thought that two small fish in a massive ocean could come together and create something magical. Just like the drink you've created. 

We share the same interests in that I want the world to know about Rio. I'm always the first to recommend it to friends who haven't heard of it and disown them if they say it's not as good as Dr Pepper.  

Plus, my prices will be nowhere near what you'd have to fork out for an advertising agency. And you'll have the pleasure of working directly with me...the creative!

If you're interested then please don't hesitate to get in touch. I'd love to include Rio on my Client list. 

Just in case you need any more convincing here's some of my previous work http://cargocollective.com/kieranmcconnell 

Thanks and I look forward to hearing from you,

Kieran McConnell (your number 1 fan)"

I'd love the opportunity to grow their online fan base. There's more of us out there I know it. I'll keep you all updated on whether or not I get a response from them. Fingers crossed. 

Copywanker's ad of the year so far award!

This years ads are as piss poor as ever. We constantly have to suffer through the GoCompare guy, those MoneySuperMarket bellends and that out of tune Admiral bitch. It's all a bit too much. 

However, there's a couple of ads that stand out (to me at least). The first is the online only campaign for Whiskas. I accidentally stumbled across the Kitten Kollege after foolishly leaving my ad blocker off following a 4OD binge. The cuteness sucked me in and I wound up watching every episode. In case you missed it here it is. 

It's simple, funny and works well for the product. It helps if you actually have cats to feed. Although I'm tempted to buy it anyway and try it for myself. This isn't my ad campaign of the year though. 

Oh no, that title is reserved for the new B&Q 'Let's Create' campaign. It's quirky, simple and pleasing to the eye. Check it out.

There's also a pair of Aussie koalas that throw a BBQ and a couple of beavers..erm beavering away. Sorry. 

And just in case you think that anything featuring animals is a winner in my eyes...here's my favourite advert from back in 2015. Seeing as I left it off my list from the December post. 

Honda has nailed it with this. Everything is right, the copy is strong, the idea is solid, the location, the edit and the music are all perfect. I've never found myself listening to Jungle trying to speed read until this ad. Turns out I'm pretty good at it.

This deservedly picked up a few awards before being banned as a number of complaints were received about it promoting dangerous driving. Seriously. 

April fools is early this year.

The above advert stopped me in my tracks this morning, for all the wrong reasons! I mean what the fuck? Is that really going to sell Smirnoff? I don't understand even 1% of the message. In my experience Vodka makes you blind, not deaf. How was this idea sold in? Let alone produced! I know it's most likely part of a wider campaign - but each piece of communication should work as a stand-alone. I could research it to see if I'm right, but the average consumer wouldn't. So why should I?

I give up on advertising! We're all a load of wankers....Unless this is intentionally shit so people remember it and twats like me write about it?

Space Cadet…in the office!

I've been fortunate enough to help launch the Samsung Galaxy S7 across three territories (UK, MEA & Australia). So when I recently had the opportunity to immerse myself in a virtual world with the S7 edge and Gear VR I got pretty excited. 

It was the first time I've experienced virtual reality. Going into it I was slightly skeptical, as I’d been writing so highly of it without ever using one. It didn't disappoint.

I was instantly sucked in, so much so I forgot where I was. In the virtual world, I was floating around in space, studying far away galaxies and watching shooting stars. In reality, I was looking around like a moron while colleagues filmed my reaction for shits and giggles.

It’s crazy to think that VR is only in its primitive stages. In a few years (if it catches on) it will be a game changer in terms of how we view and interact with content. I predict that online gaming will be the area where it will truly thrive, both playing and watching. I can imagine a global audience tuning into gaming events, watching their favourite gamethletes via headsets from the comfort of their sofa. And if you think that sounds stupid, then you’re living in the past.

Last year, the League of Legends (yes, that's an online multiplayer game) championship final was played in South Korea, in a stadium built for the 2002 FIFA World Cup. 40,000 people watched live in the stadium, while a worldwide audience of 27,000,000 tuned in online. Gaming events are fast becoming a very lucrative channel for marketers.

This not only applies to gaming events but also to major sporting events and music gigs, with VR ticket sales actually becoming a thing. If you already have a headset you can get buy a VIP VR pass to this year's Coachella Festival. You can check it out here.

On a more practical note, it’s already being used for training purposes. Putting the viewer in ‘real’ situations without any real consequences. Imagine a first aid course where a virtual life hangs in the balance, where your decisions affect the outcome. There’s no doubt you’d learn quicker.

That could be applied to a number of training exercises – such as medical surgeries, crisis training for a natural disaster or terrorist attack, rescue missions and even surviving a zombie apocalypse. The possibilities are endless.

Another thing I’d love to see become a reality is 360° films. Although filmmakers may disagree - as the narrative flows seamlessly thanks to camera placement. They’d argue ‘how would the audience know where to look?’

Well, let video games lead by example, they give the player visual and audio clues to suggest where to look. But ultimately it's down to the player. Meaning the viewer can decide how to watch the film. 

This means that you could potentially watch the same film three or four times, discovering something new every time. And depending on where you focus your attention you could find hidden Easter Eggs. Suddenly you've changed the dynamic of film. You'll no doubt find yourself telling the next generation that you remember watching two-dimensional films...

With 360° cameras becoming widely available, social media platforms will change as more people start sharing their own 360° content. If you missed a mate's wedding, no worries. You can stand right there with them inside their photographs. It’s going to change the way we stalk people on Facebook.

And finally, 360° porn will no doubt leave many blokes caught with their trousers down. Literally.

Welcome to the future. 

Stock it to 'em!

Stock image searches! We've all been there. Scrolling through page after page of 'Forest Clearing' to find the right angle. It's one of the most tedious requirements of a creatives day to day. 

An idea that seemed so right in your head is now being destroyed by having to find something similar online. 

I've clocked up solid weeks, maybe even months trying to find an image that fits my vision. Sometimes you nail it, sometimes you have to move on and come up with something new. That's the way it goes. 

However, now and again you come across an image that has no relevance to anything. You know, the really laughable ones? The ones you wonder how they were ever commissioned in the first place? The ones you and your colleagues mock? 

Luckily for us, an Art Director I used to work with has some amazing examples. He got fed up of paying his subscription for shit images. So when he comes across one, he saves it. 

They're compiled here http://shitterstock.tumblr.com/

Check it out. You won't be disappointed.

Shutterstock offered him quite a bit of money to buy the site so they could close it down. He refused because he likes that it annoys them. It's made funnier when you misspell 'shutter' as 'shitter' by accident (since the 'u' is right next to the 'i') and get redirected. He gets a lot of traffic mistakenly rolling through. 

Get this up on screen and everyone in the office will be gathered around.  

UPDATE: They brought him out the bastards