You have to laugh about doing stupid shit when you're drunk.

The one consistent thing in advertising is alcohol. After graduating, I had this silly idea of cutting back on drinking. The only problem with that is agency folk love to drink, whether it's lunchtime pints, staff do's, client do's, award do's, or drinking Jim Beam cocktails during a 9am meeting because you’re pitching for their business - it’s non-stop. You just have to man up and get on with it. You’ll eventually build up a tolerance. But that won't stop the account handlers from knowing you're tipsy after 3 beers with your Wetherspoons lunch. They’ll be quick to judge with a comment along the lines of “typical creatives”.

But don’t use that as an excuse to get away with things, and never stay in the pub all afternoon unless you’re with your creative director(s), or cracking a brief. Try not to take the piss. Having said that I’ve had some absolutely blinding drinking sessions with colleagues. Here’s a rundown of the more entertaining ones. Depending on how long my liver holds out I'm sure there will be many more stories to come.

One
Agency: DDB Vilnius
Location: Senior Art Directors flat
Occasion: My 24th Birthday

It started off civil – a few drinks, some snacks, conversation, pretty standard stuff. That's until the vodka comes out and things quickly descend into madness. Lithuanians love doing straight shots, I don't advise trying to keep up with them. They also have a tradition of lifting the birthday boy up and down on a chair. So there I was, unsteadily held up by two colleagues as they chucked me up and down 24 times to correspond with my age - while everyone sang happy birthday. For the finale, the guy whose flat it was sprayed 2 litres of coca-cola all over me, and soaked the place. 

In my drunken state, I stripped off to my boxers – because it was better than being sticky and ended up rolling around on the floor. Everyone just allowed me to get on with it, “he’s British, what do you expect?” The rest of the evening was a blur and somebody took a shit on the bathroom floor. Something to this day I’m still blamed for. Although I can safely say it wasn’t me.  

Two
Agency: Bray Leino
Location: Pub
Occasion: Coming to terms with redundancy

We were three days into the new year when the Chairman called an all-agency meeting to announce that 14 or so roles were at risk - my Art Director and I lost our jobs. The meeting adjourned we all headed to the closest pub at around 11am and had a spontaneous piss-up. The mood was varied, people kept telling me that I’m young and it won’t matter. It was shocking news and my main concern was where will my money come from. After about 10 pints and a little cry rant on the phone to my girlfriend, she reminded me that I had a dentist appointment that afternoon.  

I turned up with blotchy eyes and reeking of booze, the dentist gave me disapproving look but understood once I’d managed to slur my words out. One thing I learned – don’t go to the dentist blind drunk. I've now changed dental practices because I couldn't live with the shame. 

Three
Agency: Can’t disclose
Where: Cocktail bar
Occasion: Client night out

What’s the best kind of client night out? The one where the client doesn't show. On this particular occasion, they told us they'd be picking up the bar tab, and they were sorry they couldn't be there. So, for that reason, I can't disclose any names.

We were in a fancy cocktail bar and the group head informed us that it's essentially a free bar but not to take the piss. That was immediately ignored as I overheard a senior art director say to the barman, “What’s the most expensive cocktail you do?” followed by, “Yeah, I’ll have 12”. And that was just the start.

The night ended in some cloakroom confusion when I was handed the CEO’s coat by mistake and while leaning into the cloakroom to explain what mine looked like – fell and face-planted the floor. Safe to say I had a sore head and face in the morning. It's a good job the client didn't show because everyone let loose...on their money. So cheers for that.